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Miss Congeniality

with a gun

Grace Hart

pagent sash



January 6th, 2007

Not so long ago, I went to New Orleans to bust up this prostitution ring. It's kind of weird to me, since that isn't really a crime I get all pissed off about. I mean, hey, oldest profession and all. My deal with it is based on the slavery and all that. But, hey, I go where they tell me to, right?

So there's this hot...excuse me, let me repeat that...HOT naked guy in the middle of a bed with a raccoon passed out on his chest. And ladies, can I get a "HELL YEAH" for hot naked guys? It made my job a lot more fun. So anyway, I stick my gun in his balls, because guys usually get real quiet when you do that, and he wakes up bitching and whining in this Scottish accent that you could hardly understand, but it was totally cute. Kind of like Sean Connery, only squeaky. Coulda been the gun. But anyway, I frisked him...and took my sweet time on that one. Damn. Okay, girls...just...damn.

I take him in and question him, and between you and me, this boy was not that bright. He couldn't answer any questions at all. So I spend a couple of days poking, nothing. Then, he comes by my hotel room, drunk as a skunk, ranting and raving about some 5000 year old pain in his arse. I love the word arse, don't you? It's so cute. Arse...that kills me. Anyway. We go out, get shit faced and come back to my hotel and screw like rabid monkeys. Oh, and the raccoon was there, because I had to hold him till animal rights wackos came to get him.

And let me tell you, Duncan MacLeod of the clan MacLeod (can you believe that a real person would introduce himself like that?) is not only hung very, very well (mwah, Dunkie), but the man knows how to make the Earth move. Uh, huh...you girls know what I'm singing about, here. Can I get another "HELL YEAH"? So anyway, after about EIGHT FULL HOURS OF UNBELIEVABLE SEX (sorry, but it's been a dry spell since Eric, what can I say, I'm excited) the man drops to one knee and slips this big, shiny diamond on my finger and asks me to marry him! HELLO? He also mumbled something about wanting to know if I was into threesomes with a guy who brought his sword to bed, but that was just the booze talking. Anyway, it was so romantic. And hot.

So, anyway, my favorite song is to honor both the performer of it, and my Duncan. Now, everyone, on your feet. Time to do the humpty butt dance to this one.

Duncan MacLeod...Sex Machine...
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May 12th, 2006

One Wish

Character name: Gracie Hart
Fandom: Miss Congeniality
Disclaimers warning: I don't own her.
Challenge topic: If you could wish for one thing, what would you wish for? No wishing for more wishes.
Rating: PG

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May 4th, 2005

Yeah. That movement when you push your hips forward, and you grind up against that person on you. It is the best, the hottest move. That is why people like to do it when they are dancing, you know. Especially strippers. Strippers know that people in the audience love that move, the hips throwing out, back and forth, yeah, baby, add some slaps to the ass into that move, honey. Yeah, baby, you nasty boy, you know what mama likes here. Harder and faster and stronger, so that you leave bruises with every, single one. Makes all the friction go hot and wild and the bed shakes and my tits bounce with each and every one. Move that ass, boy, I like it. Damn, finally someone came up with a topic I can get into. Come on, big daddy, move for me, give me those hard and heavy ones so that you knock the breath out of me, over and over again. Ride it like a cheap Schwinn there, cowboy, make me squeal and scream and get all sweaty, put your hands on my hips and brace me for each and every one deeper and deeper, you bastard, give it to me, and I will dig my nails into your ass cheeks and urge you on, just a couple more and I am almost there and…

*stares at the monitor, rubs away a fleck of dust that she thought was an “H”*

Oh…that’s the subject? I don’t know anything about that.

*She shrugs and closes her laptop.*

April 23rd, 2005

I used to be a frumpy, uncouth, mannerless, ugly nerd who was completely committed to my job. I had no fun, no sex, no life.

But then, Victor Melling and the Miss United States Pageant happened. And Eric. I can't forget Eric. And since all that, my life has changed. I am free, and I can have fun, and still do the job.

And I changed. A lot. And my flaws changed.

I could say that I am horny, but I don't think that is really a flaw, unless you are a nun. Then that would be a bad character trait. But horniness is a natural and enjoyable personality trait for me, lately. I like me. I like who I am, and who I will become. If that journey of discovery to my higher inner yumminess involves some earth shattering orgasmic ecstasy with some of the hottest guys you have ever seen, then I don't see any problem with that. If more people spent more time with their ankles behind their ears, they wouldn't hear all the noise that can drive you crazy in this world. My personal nirvana has to include some, you know *makes a circle with two fingers on one hand and takes the index finger on the other to insert in and out*. Otherwise, you are throwing away one of the best parts of being human.

Aw, crap, that does not answer the question. Flaw. Jesus Christ on a cracker, I don't know. I am too congenial. There. Does that do it?

And my tits are too small.

April 20th, 2005

Silly Meme

happy girl
RECAST! Your Friends In Leading Roles by dannygrl0129
Are you...?
Favorite drink?
Vito Corleone (Godfather)hoyt_woodrow
Scarlett Oharascrt_agt_man
Rhett Butleraricamuse
Hannibal Lectorjoel_campbell
Maximus (Gladiator)decca_crane
Your own home porn video tape starfinishedlast
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Yo! Vic, Baaaaaaaaby! Woooooooooooo!

And Mulder! I want to lace you into the corset

April 17th, 2005

Trading Places

pagent sash
I think I would trade with Myra.

Myra is my neighbor. She is about my age and has really nice tits. No, really. Nice tits. I can see her husband feeling them up when he leaves for work in the morning. She kisses him good bye, on the front steps. They have a kid. He is two and really cute. And their house is a wreck, with toys just everywhere. They can't afford vacations, so I babysit one night a week for them, so they have date night. She gets all dressed up and so does he, and they go out someplace that they found a coupon for. They hold hands and talk about the future.

I like sex. I like being single. I like having fun. But I would like to have someone talk to me about what we are going to do next year, or next week. Shit, I would be happy if the guy was still there in the morning for breakfast.

April 15th, 2005

I don’t keep a lot of junk. I like experiences. You see people, when you go places, and they are so busy taking pictures that they miss the whole experience of being there. Why would I want a big album of pictures? I have a few, of friends and family. But for the most part, I try to stay in the here and now.

I do have two possessions that I treasure. The first is my badge. I earned it, fought for it, gave it back to my boss so I could stay at the pageant and do what I thought was right. When Eric handed it back to me, I swore I would never let go of it again.

The second is my sash. I know it sounds silly, but those 49 other girls unanimously voted me, ME, "Miss Congeniality". They were my friends, they were alive because I did a good job. Cheryl and I are still close. It means so much to me. I am really proud of it.

Of course, that does not mean that I don’t put on high heels, a tiara and the sash, with nothing else, and dance around my house naked. I do. A lot.

April 14th, 2005

Victim Number Four

pagent sash
Susan Marie Dodd
Age 29
Hobbies included sewing, fashion, quilting and knitting.
Employed at a CPA firm with offices off of Fleet Street. Executive assistant to the VP of new accounts. No boyfriend, no scandals, no drugs. She had auburn hair, blue eyes. Made many of her own clothes.

Gracie carefully walked around the crime scene. She had no doubt that this one might be like the others. No rape, no fingerprints, no obvious connection to the killer or the other victims. Picked at random, she was now dead on the floor, nearly decapitated by a wire used to strangle her.

These case always made her wonder what criteria the killers used to pick a victim. Were they nice to them, rude to them, cut in line at the deli? How many people, everyday, do we cross paths with? How many of those people might be looking at us as prey?

For Susan Dodd, it had been one too many.

"I want all of this data shared with BPD, and I want reports on forensics by morning, boys and girls. Chris, let's keep running NCIC. There has to be a pattern like this, somewhere. Let's find out where this prick lived before."

April 12th, 2005


pagent sash
Love and Sex With Your Friends by dannygrl0129
Favorite Color
Love of your life:joel_campbell
Best sex of your life:scrt_agt_man
Will make you come 1000 times:vivian_ward
Will break your heart:hoyt_woodrow
Best Kisser:shaman_x
Best cuddler:neversofaras
You secretly dream of:eric_weiss
But this person dreams of you:_alienated_
Will handcuff you and screw you silly:finishedlast
Quiz created with MemeGen!

April 10th, 2005

Using the "S" word

looking serious
Veronica Lynne Johnson
age 29
Single, no children
Civil Rights Attorney at Boston office of DOJ
Graduated from University of Oklahoma Law School. Top 5% of her class.
According to her coworkers, she was a scrawny, sarcastic, hard edged bitch who used men to climb her way up that company ladder and then would discard them after use. She had blonde hair, skinny body, in the fashion of the girls who read Vogue, and a pinched little face.

Except when Gracie saw her, it was not pinched. Her eyes were open and unseeing, staring up at the ceiling of her apartment. The blood was from her throat, where the wire had sliced into the skin as her killer had strangled her.

Just like the one from last week.

Because it was DOJ, it was now under Fed jurisdiction with assistance from BPD. Because Campbell was off the desk and on limited duty, Grace took his point.

Now, she thought as she looked at the body in front of her, we can say serial.
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